Thursday, December 29, 2011
For some reason, people seem to love her and to think she would do a good job, and if they can't get her as president I am sure they would vote her into a vice-president position in the hopes that she would then run for president the following term.
I honestly cannot fathom this. I was a young girl when the Clintons appeared on the national scene, and I found her repellent. She had such a cold, reptilian expression in her eyes. She is the first person I can recall seeing photos / video footage of and, without knowing anything about her, getting the sense that here was a person with a great capacity for evil. I'll be the first to admit that, writing it out like this, it sounds more than a little crazy, but the intervening two decades and expanded knowledge of the woman have done nothing to change that opinion - only cemented it.
Friday, December 16, 2011
When the sheep and the goats are separated, I daresay there will be some surprises.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Absolutely not surprised by this. The altar of fame and fortune must have its sacrifices and its temple prostitutes.
And if human history has seen parents throw their children living into the flames of Moloch, it's also no surprise that they would remain silent and complicit while their children are devoured in an equally destructive fire.
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Movers, deputies refuse to evict 103-year-old woman
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Everywhere on Friday you could see people spouting messages for our troops and veterans, thanking them for their service and their sacrifice.
Sacrifice for what? American dominance? The ability to continue sending more troops into more foreign nations to topple more foreign governments, so we can later return and topple the governments we helped establish when they become a thorn in our side?
This is a goal worthy of the sacrifice of the 10-20 years of marriage my mother-in-law might otherwise have had? The 10-20 years my husband could have had with his dad? The 10-20 years my children might have had with their beloved grandfather? He may not even live to see his fourth grandchild born.
I can't even muster the anger I'm feeling into coherent invective. I just wish that I could take the pain my father-in-law is feeling and give it to the people that used him in a war for power and dominance, the people that continue to use American lives to further these unworthy goals, instead of letting their citizens live their lives in relative peace.
And while billions are poured into these wars to topple foreign governments, hundreds of thousands spent on vacations for the First Lady, and retired members of congress earn average yearly pensions of $30-65k, what is offered to my mother-in-law for the stolen years of her husband's life? $7-14k a year and "treatment" for her husband's terminal cancer.
(I realized this might not be very clear. My father-in-law served in Vietnam and has the cancer /other health issues associated with exposure to agent orange.)
Thursday, November 03, 2011
It's nothing but a shell game. Almost every politician can be caught breaking the promises they made to their constituents shortly after getting into office, and flip-flopping repeatedly throughout their political career. The only thing they've demonstrated they really support is the political class and the government. Both parties want your money and your support, they just take different routes to get it. Both parties are ruining this country. Washington is a cesspool of corruption.
I will vote for Ron Paul, because he is one of the only politicians that has actually been consistent for decades, besides correctly identifying problems before they occurred (like the housing bubble). I don't think he will win, but I'm not giving my support to yet another lying slimy political snake.
Monday, October 10, 2011
I can't find anything in the Bible that supports this notion. Jesus sent his disciples out to preach the gospel, not to preach the Torah. And if the gospel was rejected, the disciples were told to shake the dust off their sandals and leave those that had rejected the gospel to their own devices, to be dealt with by God.
The early Christians were never encouraged to enter politics and try to make the heathen masses live like Christians. Instead, the Christians were encouraged to live like Christ so that more would be drawn to salvation. And we know that once people are washed in the blood of the Lamb, and the Holy Spirit dwells in their heart, they will begin to act like Christ in a real way, not in a faux way only done out of compliance with their country's legal system.
So, what is the point of trying to legislate Christian morality?
Edit: I wish to clarify that I am not, in any way, denigrating the laws in the Torah or living a moral life, simply pointing out that telling people they must live morally is not what brings them to salvation.
Friday, October 07, 2011
Free the West Memphis Three
The West Memphis Three - TruTV Crime Library
The West Memphis Three Were Guilty (An opposing voice, for those of you that want to see what people are saying that still believe the men were guilty.)
Trial Transcripts (I have not yet read these, my knowledge of the trial relies on news articles and video clips from the trail in the documentary "The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills: Paradise Lost")
If you prefer to take a look at other sources, there is a wealth of additional material available with a google search.
I first read about the Memphis 3 as a young woman and the case played a large part in finding myself forced to re-examine my notions of justice, the American justice system and God's view of justice as visible in the Torah.
I was appalled at what I read. The circumstantial evidence in the case was incredibly flimsy. The 'confession' from Jessie Misskelly raised enormous doubts about the capacity of the West Memphis police department to investigate such a case without bias and with a willingness to follow correct legal procedures and to uphold the laws regarding the rights of those under suspicion for a crime.
I will state my opinion here: even IF these boys were guilty (and I do not believe they were), they never should have been convicted based on the evidence brought to trial - they never even should have been brought to trial in the first place.
I don't need to go into overwhelming detail on this post, because the information is so thoroughly covered in the linked sites. Suffice to say that I had sympathy for Damien Echols, in particular, because I too was an 'outsider' as a teenager. I wore black, listened to bands like Metallica, Nine Inch Nails and Type O Negative, read horror novels from authors like Dean Koontz, and to top it off played Dungeons & Dragons and went to live-action role-playing games where I, and many other teenagers and young adults, pretended we were vampires.
Seeing Damien Echols in Paradise Lost years after I first learned of the case did little to diminish my sympathy for him, or diminish my outrage over the prosecution's successful efforts to paint him as a psychotic devil-worshiping cultist.
Damien Echols was an intelligent, egotistical teenager. He did seem to have a view of himself as the persecuted outsider, being targeted by 'the Man,' and he seemed to have a certain relish for that role. He was a smartass with an inappropriate sense of humor. I have no problem believing, after seeing footage of interviews, that Damien Echols got a kick out of telling outrageous lies in order to get people he had no respect for riled up. (He once told a youth leader at church that he could not accept a Bible, or accept Jesus and go to heaven, because he'd made a pact with the devil and was going to hell. That is -definitely- the sort of thing I can see several of my smartass, anti-establishment friends and acquaintances doing to someone in their younger years.)
He reminded me of myself. I felt like an outsider, so I embraced that role. Sought attention from that role. I felt as if people would not accept me and like me for who I was, but if they would not accept me and like me, they could at least notice me and make me feel like more of a real person and less of an uncertain shadow. I collected 'scandalous' trivia about S&M sexual practices, not because I found the lifestyle attractive (though dominatrix outfits were pretty awesome) but because I was secretly pleased at the thought of what kind of reaction people might have when this skinny blonde girl in glasses used terminology belonging to a fetishistic, underground sexual scene.
I also found it telling that at one point in an interview, Damien is asked about a particularly gruesome rumor going around - the person speaking to him describes the rumor in very blunt terms. When Damien responds, he halts, and cannot actually use the same blunt terminology - he has to rephrase what he is about to say to something less crass and grotesque. I suppose some people might see that as some kind of mark of remorse or state of denial, but I saw it as the mark of a boy far less tough than he wanted to appear, whose mind could dwell on theoretical violence but was too tender for real violence.
And then there is Jason Baldwin. They had plenty with which to paint Damien Echols as a terrifying psychopath participating in evil religious rituals, but there was nothing to point to in Baldwin's case that made it remotely possible to link him with interest and pursuit of dark occultic power. Unlike Damien, there were no outrageous statements, no doodles, no books by people like Aleister Crowley on his reading list - no time spent under psychiatric evaluation. What on earth made them think it was probable that this teenager would help his friend rape, torture, beat and murder three eight year old boys, just because he happened to like heavy metal music, wearing black, and reading horror novels? Yes, I understand anything is possible, but that does not make it probable.
Jessie Misskelley, the person who 'confessed' and pinned the blame on Echols and Baldwin was not a bright boy. He never really appeared to have a good sense of what was going on and what it meant for his long-term future. They had to tell him to keep his head down in court - more than likely because he clearly did not take what was happening seriously, and his occasional burst of cheer and good humor would not have been taken well in the courtroom, where no doubt the jury would have seen it as callous indifference, rather than incapacity to fully understand his situation beyond the present moment.
These boys had their lives stolen from them. Even with the supporters they garnered over the years, they'll never be able to have a 'normal' life, and there will always be people that believe they were guilty of these heinous crimes, and there will always be people that have a kernel of doubt and wonder if maybe they really were guilty. Damien Echols' newborn son had to grow up without his father, but with his father's reputation hanging over his head. And the rest of the family members of Echols, Baldwin and Misskelley had to deal with this situation as well - the loss of a loved family member to the prison system, and the reputation (in the case of the parents) for having raised heinous, psychopathic sons.
This is wrong. This is a gross miscarriage of justice. This is every bit as wrong and evil as the crime that took the lives of three eight year old boys.
What saddens me the most about this whole sordid tale is the fact that people claiming to be followers of Jesus helped put these boys behind bars, and it took the attention of Hollywood celebrities and famous musicians to draw attention to the plight of these boys and help point out this gross miscarriage of justice.
Where were the conservative Christian voices speaking out against this travesty? Why is it that so many in the Christian community seem to gloss over the fact that God's own laws placed higher priority on preventing the shedding of innocent blood than on punishing the guilty? Religious fear and superstition combined with the flimsiest of circumstantial evidence led to two young men being sentenced to life in prison and a third young man being placed on death row. This is something that Christians should be ASHAMED of. This is not something Christians should support, or call 'justice.' Just because someone reads books about religions antithetical to Christianity and behaves foolishly in their social interactions does not mean they are the kind of monster that kills little children. Superstitious fear of 'satanists' should not lead to wrongful conviction for heinous crimes.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
So that placed me in a much better mood in which to deal with having to appear before the magistrate yet again this afternoon for an overgrown lawn violation. The truly sad thing is that we had been trying (successfully) to keep our lawn tamed this year, but between the pregnancy sickness and my husband's issue with his ear, neither of us had managed to get out there and do something about the lawn in September, and we've been getting regular rain much later than usual this year which has kept the weeds growing. Friday morning I finally felt well enough to try tackling the lawn, and Friday afternoon received the certified letter ordering us to appear before the magistrate on Tuesday. And because we're 'repeat offenders' they no longer have to give us a warning letter first.
Oh well. Hopefully next year we'll manage to keep them off our back.
Saturday, October 01, 2011
Update: Billiam, I think it might just be your blog I'm unable to comment on - I tested my ability to comment on someone else's blog that had blogger comments enabled, and it went through. The only difference is that they had word verification enabled. When I visit your blog and submit the comment it just appears to vanish into the aether.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thank you for your prayers, they are appreciated.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I'm not going to give in to stress over this. Even if this ends up resulting in bad news, both he and I know that God will give us the strength to go through any trial ahead.
I'm hoping it'll turn out to be something the matter with his ear, though.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
So for some reason early this morning instead of letting me sleep my brain wanted to be awake and active and thinking about entirely unimportant matters. Thanks, brain. What were these unimportant matters? What it is, exactly, that draws me to people. What most often generates interest in another human being and makes me wish I were their friend?
They need to be smart.
They need to be a smartass.
I'm married to someone that fits this description. A large chunk of my family fits this description (ALL of my siblings fit this description). Many of the friends I've had over the years fit this description. My favorite forum posters and bloggers generally fit this description. Heidi, Professor Hale, Res Ipsa, JQP, Vidad, etc. etc. are all very different people, with very different writing styles, but they all share the traits of being smart and a smartass. (Even if they don't tend to apply these labels to themselves!) Even Wes, whose writing somehow makes me think of an elderly Southern lawyer, fits this description! Now, I do have a few people whose company I enjoy, or whose blog I like to read, that I wouldn't really apply the description of smartass to, but they are definitely in the minority.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Well... thankfully the MRI, x-ray and EKG all came back normal. The doctor told him he had "vertigo" which is essentially the same thing as telling someone "you have a headache." It doesn't say anything about what the underlying cause could be. They suspect it might be some kind of problem with his inner ear and he is supposed to see an ear & throat specialist in a couple of days.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Now, of course, I've returned to that state of feeling almost helplessly adrift, trying to pick appropriate curriculum for the shortly arriving school year. Adding to the stew is guilt over being late in this chore, even though being laid out with pregnancy sickness is a legitimate reason for not getting things done on time. On top of that, the house is a horrible, terrible mess (not just filled with clutter, but actual dirt at this point) and I haven't been able to tackle it for the same reason. At least I know the school work is (theoretically) something I can handle even with being sick, since I can always set him up with a little desk next to my bed so I can teach and rest at the same time.
Gah. If only I were someone to whom organization and cleaning came naturally... so many things to do, and all I want to do is hide under the covers and hope it all goes away!
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
(Jesus - Matthew 7; Paul - Galatians 5; Paul - 1 Corinthians 13)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I am so tired of Christians that speak of political activism as if it is the way to "save" America, but that refuse to answer when asked where in the New Testament - in the words of Jesus or in the writings of the apostles - we find ourselves commanded to participate in political activism, or even encouraged to do so in any way, shape, or form. What does it matter if you can convince people to support your stance on marriage when those people will return home to lives filled with gluttony, lust, fornication, slander, gossip, pride, greed, jealousy, hatred, and all the other myriad sins of fallen man?
What does it matter if so-called Christians "speak up" about their political views, engage in political activism, vote their conscience, etc. etc. when these so-called Christians can't even be bothered to apply the first and second commandments to their own lives?
What does it matter if people experience greater personal freedom and happier earthly lives living in so-called Christian democracies if their hearts remain dark and their eternal soul remains in jeopardy? What kind of priorities do we have when we make people's physical freedom take precedence over their eternal salvation? Why would we want to help craft a nation of whited sepulchers?
If American Christians would put even 1/10 of the energy they spend on American politics into loving God, loving their neighbors, and loving their fellow Christians, we would already see this nation changing for the better.
Edit: I really need to clarify something here - I believe God does call certain people into the political sphere, but not as a means to change human laws to suit their liking, but as a means to reach the lost hearts of those they will come in contact with. Take Justine, for instance. It won't be her excellent, persuasive rhetorical abilities that will change lives, it will be the way the love of God just shines out of her, making her a beacon on a dark, rocky coast.
You can't change a person's heart by modifying their outward behavior, and the same is true of nations.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
Maybe instead I should have made the categories "Prolific" "Intermittent" and "Unreliable" ;)
Thursday, June 02, 2011
The key point of Calvinism is that God is Sovereign. You either believe that or you don't. There can be no middle ground. A sovereign God can do whatever He wills. This then is falsely stretched by some Calvinists into the idea that God is choosing to do everything and nothing is getting done without his direction.
I would probably take less issue with Calvinism if any Calvinist I'd run across previously had drawn the distinction between what God -can- do versus what God -may- do. Up until now, I had only run across the variety that seem to view God as a micro-managing puppet master (many have even openly espoused this view, rather than simply implying it). No doubt there are other points of Calvinism that the Professor and I would disagree with, but on this particular facet I have no quarrel.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
This is what I posted in the comments on the post in question:
As it happens, I found this quote on Giraffe's blog and thought it pertinent to this discussion:
"And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if every Security operative, when he went out at night to make an arrest, had been uncertain whether he would return alive and had to say good-bye to his family? Or if, during periods of mass arrests, as for example in Leningrad, when they arrested a quarter of the entire city, people had not simply sat there in their lairs, paling with terror at every bang of the downstairs door and at every step on the staircase, but had understood they had nothing left to lose and had boldly set up in the downstairs hall an ambush of half a dozen people with axes, hammers, pokers, or whatever else was at hand?... The Organs would very quickly have suffered a shortage of officers and transport and, notwithstanding all of Stalin's thirst, the cursed machine would have ground to a halt! If...if...We didn't love freedom enough. And even more – we had no awareness of the real situation.... We purely and simply deserved everything that happened afterward."
— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
This, and other historical incidents, are why I find it unlikely that the cop killing in question - or indeed, many if any of the others - are occurring because ordinary citizens have been pressed past their limit and are now willing to murder police officers in cold blood. Even when faced with situations in which such violence would be extremely beneficial, most people simply do not have the necessary gumption and capability for violence needed, let alone the gumption and capability to strike down their oppressors in cold blood in an anonymous ambush. They don't defend themselves from the criminals, why would they suddenly start defending themselves from the police? How many people victimized by criminals turn into vigilantes? As far as I am aware, there are still more victims of the common criminal thug than of the common police thug.
I don't -like- this conclusion. I wish more people were willing to defend themselves from criminals, whether the criminals wear badges or not. But I believe it is far more common to find that people will submit to violent oppression out of fear, rather than rise up against it and strike back. The people alive today in our nation have not had to work hard for their very survival - they have not suffered greatly - they have not gone through any sort of crucible to forge them into warriors with spines, rather than craven cowards that would rather hide from oppression or ignore it than strike out against it. I've read through some of the compiled wrongful deaths at the hands of SWAT teams, and nowhere did I find a follow-up story describing how the police officers involved in the wrongful death were killed under mysterious circumstances later. Most were described as being alive and well and having suffered few if any negative consequences. The worst that ever happened was the team being disbanded and various cities being forced to pay large sums to the family of the deceased victim.
I believe - unfortunately - that only a very few individuals here will ever strike back against increased police lawlessness.
Something I didn't say in my comment, but which occurred to me later, is that most people - even when put through a crucible of suffering or struggle for survival, still do not become transformed into warriors with spines. Recorded history seems to suggest that the majority of humanity will submit to violent oppression at levels that far exceed anything we've seen here from corrupt law enforcement and politicians.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
And hey, while carrying around the dead animal, I got to hang out with my sister Joelle, and if I can't see her in person very often, being able to hang out with her in my subconscious is still fun. She and I share the ability to have vivid, intricate dreams. I love dreams, because they are a brush with the mysterious and the uncontrollable and are reliably poorly understood by the scientific community. And I take pleasure in the fact that after having read that it is impossible to read in a dream, my mind set out to prove otherwise, providing not one, but two dreams that had text I could see and understand. I don't remember the latter, but the first had the word ABORT written on the marquee of a theatre that had been converted to an abortion clinic, in a chilling future in which abortion was not only highly encouraged but also considered a form of recreation.
I've experienced a wide variety of dream tropes, from flying to falling to trying to run with legs that have become leaden, or finding that I'm missing pants. I've shot someone point-blank with a shotgun and missed (my subconscious refuses to make me proficient with anything I'm not proficient at in reality). I've been myself, I've been myself as a man, I've been women or men completely unknown to me living out lives that have nothing to do with mine. I've loved, I've lost. I've been on the run from tornadoes or other disasters. I also dream in color, and have seen verdant fields that practically glow, outstripping even Ireland for their emerald hues. I've had horrific dreams which I was grateful to wake up from, and dreams so pleasant that to wake was loss. I've had dreams so embarrassing or disgusting that they will never be shared with anyone, ever, lest that person afterward start looking at me askance, wondering just what monstrous depravity hides in my subconscious. I've killed myself (a broken fluorescent light bulb stabbed into my heart) because I knew it would make me respawn somewhere else and enable me to escape the things hunting me.
I had a dream once, as a child, an innocuous one where I was walking through the woods at night, holding something in my hand, with a friend on either side, only to experience exactly that later while camping. Since then, many times, I have experienced a strong sense of deja vu and had the feeling that what I'm doing is something I've done before in a dimly remembered dream - and not common things that anyone could do in reality, then dream about, then do in reality ad infinitum with nothing strange about it - the latest time I experienced that feeling of having dreamed the reality before the reality occurred was when we went blueberry picking, something I had never done before. Adding to the oddness was the fact that after I mentioned my sense of deja vu, my husband said he was also having a sense of deja vu. And yes, I do understand that the feeling you've dreamed something before is not the same as actually being able to say 'I've dreamed this' - but I do like the mysterious feeling of deja vu.
I think that's enough rambling for now. I feel the need for coffee.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Calvinism is completely devoid of faith, hope or love.
(Edit: For the sake of clarity, and lest I cause offense unintentionally, I see the teachings as devoid of these three things, but do not extend that devoid state to everyone that believes the teachings.)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Now, it's true that the ten commandments do not say 'thou shalt not lie' but rather 'thou shalt not bear false witness.' But it seems to me that trying to establish a difference between lying and false witness is a matter of splitting hairs.
It seems to be a notion at odds with Satan having been crowned the 'Prince of Lies' and with God hating false witnesses and all. And is there any passage at all, marked as a statement of God, that we can point to and say 'this was a lie?' Both Psalms and Proverbs use the term 'lying lips' in a very negative context, and in Proverbs 12, where the wicked and the upright are contrasted, we find the following: "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal faithfully are His delight." It seems odd that a trait specifically ascribed to the wicked should be one which the Lord possesses.
It also seems odd considering that in the (only?) instance recorded in which someone was struck down by God in the New Testament, it was for attempting to lie to the Holy Spirit. Everywhere in the Bible we see truthfulness extolled and falsehood and deceit condemned. Would God condemn His own actions? Are not His commands intended to show us His divine nature, and our own fallen nature; to reveal how sinful and far from perfection we really are?
I'm sorry, one can claim logic all one wants, but there's really no reasonable basis on which to base a belief that God lies.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thank you, God, thank you!
And thank you, all of you that took the time to offer a prayer on our behalf.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
But this grief is just a trickle in an overwhelming river of peace, the peace that passes all understanding. I am in awe that my God loves me - loves me - enough to give me solace in sorrow, and in truth this knowledge brings more tears than does the sorrow. As a psalmist once said "what is man, that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that you think of him?"
I am nothing and I have done nothing to deserve this kindness. My good qualities were first honed by my parents, and after that, God Himself took on the task of molding this stubborn clay. I've seen the darkness in my human heart and I've knowingly and willfully embraced it. I've run from the knowledge of what He wants me to do and what He does not want me to do. My heart has been hard.
And yet He continues to shape me into a vessel for His service, and He treats me as His child, and comforts me and shelters me from the worst of the storms.
I am in awe that God loves me.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Well, the tests brought a surprise - I'm pregnant again. That was unexpected, as I'd taken a test just a couple of weeks prior to the doctor's visit and it had given me a negative result (apparently I got the 1% inaccuracy rate). I was happy, of course, as both my husband and I still want more children.
Because there were indications that the pregnancy might be at risk, they wanted me to get an ultrasound. Unfortunately, the results were not good - I was at least seven weeks pregnant (indicating I'd been pregnant since not long after the original miscarriage), they could not find the baby's heartbeat, and the radiologist said the pregnancy did not look 'normal' - whatever that means, as they did not elaborate, but simply sent me home to rest and told me that if the ultrasound reading was correct, there was nothing they could do to prevent the termination of the pregnancy. So, joy had turned to ashes, but I had just been reading Job recently, and what he said had stuck with me - shall we accept blessings but not adversity? So, while naturally I am not pleased with this outcome, I am in a state of peace granted by the Comforter.
Enter the medical system, that wants to destroy peace and invoke fear in its place. Yesterday, I received a call from a nurse at the doctor's office, telling me she'd set up an appointment with a gynecologist. Not so much as a 'by-your-leave' or 'would you like to do this, and if so will this time work for you?' And to add injury to the insult, it was a male gynecologist. Nope, nuh uh, no way. My husband is the only man to have ever been given access to that area, and it's going to stay that way if I have anything to say about it! So, I told the nurse I was not comfortable with a male obgyn, and she said she would see what she could do about it. Apparently, that meant leaving the appointment on the books and assuming I'd show up for it. So, today, the original doctor (a general practitioner) calls, wondering why I hadn't gone to the gynecologist. So I explained why.
Oh, but this was an emergency! Surely I could make an exception...
Really? That's funny, I didn't think a miscarriage was an emergency - so I asked for clarification. Was there any indication this was an emergency? Was it an ectopic pregnancy? At which point she had to admit that no, it was not ectopic, and it was a visit to check on me in case it became an emergency situation later. I told her - firmly - as soon as I could get a word in edge-wise (because my goodness, that woman can talk!) that I understood the risks, that I preferred to go through this with my family, and not in a doctor's office, since there was nothing they could do to save my baby if the pregnancy had terminated or was in the process of terminating. (Which though she hemmed and hawed, she had to admit was true, because it is so early in the pregnancy.) I explained - politely, but very firmly, that it is my body, my pregnancy, and my choice as to how I handle the situation. All of which she had to concede to, but not without first attempting to guilt me by reminding me of the possible risks, and then to remind me I had other children to think of. (My husband had flames coming off of his face, as this was all on speaker phone, but we were both remarkably calm even so.)
I remained calm, and polite, and would not budge an inch from my stance. My husband and I had discussed this already and he supported my decision. My husband and I would seek emergency care if it became necessary (and yes, I understood the emergency care might have to come from a male doctor - obviously my choices would be limited in an emergency, but it was not an emergency as of yet). So, sounding resigned about consigning me to my inevitable sad fate as a stubborn, clueless individual with no sense of self-preservation (this was not said, but some things you can guess from the tone of voice) she finally gave up. Phew.
That right there is why I hate the medical system. Oh, I don't hate the people. A few are arrogant scumbags, but most are just institutionalized into believing whatever they're fed without question. They buy into the fear, and they push the fear, and they think you're wrong if you don't feel the same fear and make your decisions based on it.
Sorry, but I'm aware that driving five minutes down the road to Wal*Mart carries greater statistical risk than a non-ectopic miscarriage. I'm not making my decisions based on fear of what-ifs. My life is in my Father's hands, and those are the very best hands it could possibly be in. Yes, I'll admit, I do fear leaving my children, just as I have to admit God can see them raised to adulthood just fine without me. It's pride to think my children's future would be ruined without me.
I also have to admit I would be irked if complications arose, because I don't want her to get to say "I told you so!"
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Some people like to speak of forgiveness. Compassion. Mercy. Example of X Christian that converted from a life of murderous depravity that now devotes their time to serving the Kingdom in a mighty way. Example of X Christian that converted others through their overwhelming sweetness and light in the face of adversity. Jesus died so that others might be saved, how can we do any less?
People had Jesus performing miracles right in front of their eyes, and still they rejected him. He healed lepers, the lame, the crippled, the blind, the deaf, the diseased, the demon-possessed. He raised the dead to life. He offered forgiveness for sins. And still they rejected him.
When he sent the apostles out to spread word that the Kingdom of God was near, He did not tell them to remain in cities that rejected them, to plead with them over and over until finally they were swayed to repentance - he told them to shake the dust from their sandals and move on.
Nowhere did he promise that his death had annulled the need for justice. Nowhere did he promise that all would be saved (even though we know this is what God desires). Nowhere did he promise each man 75+ years in which to repent, no matter what depraved acts were committed in the meantime.
In Matthew 18, we find that if our brother wrongs us, we are to first speak to him privately, then bring witnesses, then take the matter before the church, and if he still refuses to repent of the wrong he has done, then he is to become as one we have no fellowship with.
Also in Matthew 18, we are told to forgive our brother seventy-times-seven. Yet the parable that follows speaks of forgiving those that ask for mercy. It does not say that the servant went to his fellow servant, and his fellow servant spit in his face and said "I ain't gonna pay!"
Now, someone spoke of death as being the end to our chances to repent, and thus we should never prematurely end someone's chance to repent. Even if I believed that death was truly the end of our chances, how does it follow that we should give a murderer all the chances in the world, when he might go on to murder others that have not yet repented? Why give one man 75 years in which to repent, when he uses those 75 years to send hundreds - perhaps even thousands - that had not yet repented to hell?
Someone that has shown they are willing to end another human life out of malice, greed, passion or selfishness does not have their ability to do harm stopped by being put behind bars. Prison guards have been murdered. Other prisoners have been murdered. There have even been instances of someone serving life in prison planning murders and having them carried out by free colleagues. Why should all of these people continue to be at risk, just because the murderer *might* use the extra time to truly repent, instead of continuing in their evil ways?
Is that really what mercy should look like?
Monday, May 02, 2011
Mercy cannot exist without justice.
So, apparently there are multiple reactions from Christians about this, and one is to rejoice that justice has been done, and another is to say that we should not rejoice over the death of a sinner. This latter crowd is getting on my nerves, because they're making it clear that if you've rejoiced, or if you're not saddened, or if you support executing murderers at all, that you're a bad Christian that doesn't truly understand the heart of Jesus. One woman even went so far as to say that instead of killing the bad guy, we should choose to sacrifice our own life in order that it might save them...
Okay. First of all, Someone already made that sacrifice to save them - and that sacrifice, which was freely offered, was freely rejected. Unless you subscribe to the theory that all will be saved, then you have to admit that some will not, no matter what nice things are done for them or what kind of forgiveness and love is extended to them.
Secondly, it's all very well to speak of sacrificing your own life, but when it comes to allowing murderers to live, you're not sacrificing your own life, you're sacrificing someone else's life. The staff in the prisons, the other inmates in the prisons, even people outside of the prisons - all of these people are in danger from someone that has proven they are willing to end a human life out of malice, passion or selfishness.
Paul is one example they're trotting out of someone that was the author of wicked things but that was saved and went on to work mightily for the Lord. What they seem to be ignoring is the fact that Paul himself wrote that God gave governments the responsibility to punish evildoers. That when they do so, they are acting as His agents.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Maybe it's a good thing, for my husband's sake, that I'm not the kind of woman that pins her hopes on a safe and secure life; that I don't fret and worry about living comfortably. Because if I were that kind of woman, I might not now be encouraging him to quit his job, regardless of whether or not he has a new one lined up.
Oh, some people would probably look down on me for that. Think I'm foolish and irresponsible. Wrong. Naive. Ungrateful, even, for suggesting that my husband become unemployed at a time like this, when so many people want employment and can't find it. And what about the children?!
When my husband says that for the first time in his life, he feels as if his job is endangering his soul, and that he needs to get out - and speaks in a manner that suggests his moral fortitude and integrity are under assault, and that he's standing on the line and wavering - well, that sounds like he's being given a warning - that he's being told it's time to find another road to walk on. But he was still vacillating - no responsible man with a wife and children he loves wants to set aside the job that is providing their food, clothing and shelter if he can help it. So he would speak of getting out, but then speak of the possibility for promotion and how that might make things easier, or speak of how maybe this wasn't a warning, and was instead just his own reaction to stress.
But this last week two of the people in his chain of command decided he'd done something wrong, that he'd stepped out of line, and punished him for it - without even asking for his side of the story, and claiming that his report of the incident in question was bullshit, despite two other coworkers verifying what had happened. The two supervisors never even spoke to him, directly - he learned this from the person that had until this incident been part of his chain of command as well, and whom he has worked with before. This person managed to deflect and alleviate the worst that could have happened, convincing them to make the punishment assigning my husband to a less desirable duty elsewhere - but he made it clear that my husband's career was more than likely over. It's unlikely my husband would get fired, because it's a job that is difficult to get fired from unless a person does something truly egregious (or ends up on the news), but it was unlikely there would ever be a chance for promotion as long as the chain of command remains what it is.
So, as far as I'm concerned, that's the sign right there. That's the roadblock saying "find another route." He's supposed to get an answer soon (hopefully next week), one way or another, about the position he applied for, that would get him out of his current position and entail only a minor pay cut in the process. If he gets it, life goes on much the same as before as far as finances go - we'll still be able to pay our bills and save money, and my husband gets to do something he wants to do that should have a lot less stress involved. The roller coaster never tips over the edge.
If he does not get the position...
Is there something wrong with me, that I'm actually excited by the possibility that he won't get this job? That we'll be standing at a crossroads that has grown from two intersecting highways to a tangle of roads and overpasses and underpasses and railroads and sidewalks and runways, with no map to make any sense of it?
We have three children, and we would like more, God-willing. Our current savings won't go very far in today's economy. I'm in poor health, awaiting lab results to find out if it's something serious, or just something that will require time and effort on my part to correct. We might lose our insurance. We might end up on welfare (again). I might have to go back to work, alternating schedules with my husband so that one of us can always be home with the children. We might lose our house and our excellent credit rating. We might end up in the "bad part of town" where my husband runs the risk of running into unsavory people that remember his face and that hate him.
And yet, I'm calm because I know God can get us through anything, and that if we're living in a tent in the woods and scrounging food from dumpsters (that's not likely to happen, but my brain does like to produce worst-case scenarios), He'd still be there with us, fulfilling what Jesus said, that He will clothe us and feed us. Seek My kingdom first, and all these things will be taken care of.
There is, in fact, deep down, a tiny part of me that is giddy with the possibility of shaking off our comfortable almost-middle-class existence. Maybe, maybe, it says, we could finally escape Florida! Anything is possible! And then it's answered by another part of me that says, dourly, that maybe we would actually end up living with his parents and my husband would be miserable and everything would be strained and bleak and unhappy and I'd feel more trapped than ever before...
There are times, even when I'm thanking God for the fountain of blessings in my life, that I've wondered if this comfortable life wasn't a form of bondage, keeping us distracted from the truly important things in life, and inhibiting our growth, spiritually, rather than aiding it. So I can't really truly fear change and the possibility of very difficult times ahead, because I know those are the times when God can really polish our spirits into something beautiful reflecting His glory.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
She deserves the profanity, and a whole lot more. I won't go into the sordid reasons why, but my younger sister and her husband (the mother in question is his ex-wife) are currently going to court to attempt to restrict her access to her eight-year-old daughter, who has become my sister's step-daughter and my niece by marriage. Please, please pray that Father would intercede on their behalf and that the courts would decide in favor of my sister and her husband, and that my niece would be rescued from the hands of a woman that obviously has not the least idea of what love really is.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? - Epicurus
Gasp! Oh no, you've disproved the existence of a good God! Atheists have won and religious folk have just had their head buried in the sand for 2000 years!
Oh wait, there's this little thing called free will... I don't know if Epicurus was familiar with the Torah or the prophets or the Gospel, but the only way someone could think this quote is a sign of atheists winning is if they know nothing about Christian teachings.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
This is a picture of the pretty roses that bloomed in my backyard a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, they met a cruel end when our rotten dog slipped her collar (again) and decided they looked like a tasty snack.
Friday, April 01, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Just prior to the pregnancy that ended with a miscarriage, I diagnosed myself with a hormone imbalance. Yes, diagnosed myself (with the help of the internet, no less, clearly I must be insane). I was researching what might have caused a particular problem and stumbled on a list of symptoms associated with hormone imbalance and was astounded to find much of the list matched changes that had taken place in my body over the last year or two - things I had not thought might have a common, fixable origin, but had simply (and naively) chalked up to approaching age 30.
Of course, while I'm reasonably confident that I've correctly diagnosed the imbalance, the underlying cause of the imbalance could be from several different things. I could seek professional testing and diagnosis, but frankly, I've never found the medical community to be as trustworthy and knowledgeable as they portray themselves to be.* Besides being hard to diagnose with accuracy, conditions that cause hormone imbalance are usually treated with prescription drugs (something I'm not willing to utilize) or rest, improved diet and exercise.
So rest, improved diet and exercise it is. It seems my top vices (gluttony and sloth) must now be faced head-on if I'm to see an improvement in my health. Those might seem like odd vices for a thin person to confess to, but my hard-working metabolism has simply made indulging said vices that much easier over the years.
Fortunately my husband is willing to work with me on this, since he's overweight and stressed and feeling the need to improve his health as well. So we've already drastically reduced his beloved pasta, and my beloved sugary indulgences, while adding more vegetables and fruits. Fortunately, this seems to be having a positive effect for both of us in the form of more energy. I have not been experiencing as much of the severe fatigue that would often happen in the afternoons, when I would find myself fighting to remain awake.
I've got a couple of supplements ordered and on the way that will hopefully aid in restoring hormone balance; I've also dug out the jump rope I bought years ago. My husband got to snicker over my undignified efforts yesterday, but I think it should serve nicely as a source of cardio - besides being free, quick, and able to be done in my own backyard behind a privacy fence. I can tell I'm severely out of shape, though. 50 skips (not even proper jumps) and I was wheezing. Fortunately it seems improvement can happen swiftly - by my sixth set of 50 today, my muscles were sore but I was not breathing as heavily afterward.
Hopefully I'll be able to battle sloth successfully and stick to these efforts to improve my health. I certainly have a pressing incentive to succeed - there's a good chance the miscarriage was tied to my poor health. I do not want to go through that again.
*I realize that sounds odd, considering my willingness to draw from accumulated medical information to diagnose myself - but it's easier to diagnose symptoms than to find a nearby medical practitioner that can be trusted to provide working treatments. I'll go to a doctor to get a wound stitched or a bone set, but when it comes to the intricacies of the human body, I prefer to give my body what it needs to try and resolve the problem itself, first.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
They hand out candy and celebrate when a Jewish family is brutally murdered in their beds, including the family's three children.
These people do not deserve anything from the international community except scorn.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
So, my husband and I have another arrow in our quiver, and though we will not be able to hold her in our hands as we wanted, she is now in the very best hands that could ever hold her.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
I wish that this passage were usually read from the Amplified version. It shows that what is desired of Christian women is so much more - and so much less - than mere submission. A woman can submit to her spouse and show none of the qualities listed above in the process - and she can refuse to participate in something she knows to be wrong while still displaying the qualities listed above.
The question is not whether or not women should behave in the manner described, but whether or not the husband has the right and responsibility to make her behave in the manner described by whatever means necessary.
Boiled down to its essence, marriage Game is about getting a man what he wants from his wife; usually more sex, more respect, and less grabbing for the reins. Now, a man might say that marriage Game is about giving both the husband and wife what they want - he becomes a better husband, and in return she becomes a better wife.
Here again, we run into problems. He is only becoming a better man by sinful standards, and she is only becoming a better wife by sinful standards.
Vox has more than one thing wrong when it comes to Game. You see, men and women do have spiritual equality. We may not have the same spiritual responsibilities, but that is another matter. A Christian man and a Christian woman are both immortal souls, once lost from grace, but reconciled to God through the shed blood of Jesus our Messiah.
A man's wife's body and time may belong to him through the marriage covenant (as his body belongs to her now) but her soul belongs to her Creator. Did her husband shed his blood so his wife could be reconciled with God? Did he purchase her place in heaven at the cost of his own life?
Does a man own his wife?
No. God owns his wife. A husband is just a steward, just as a father and mother are stewards. We are human beings and no immortal soul "belongs" to us, to do with as we see fit for our own benefit.
A man may have headship in his family here on earth, but it is a temporal headship - a delegated responsibility, not a right. When he and his wife pass into eternity, that headship goes away, just as the marriage itself goes away, because what we will find in eternity is the real truth of which the marriage union is just a shadow.
What matters more here on Earth? Fleeting physical pleasure and happiness, or immortal souls?
A man's headship in a marriage does not give him the right to retard the spiritual development of his wife's immortal soul.
How does it retard her spiritual development? By transferring the responsibility for her actions from her shoulders to her husband's shoulders. Oh, there are plenty of women happy and content to be freed of responsibility this way. That does not make it right. A woman needs to learn self-control. She needs to learn patience. She needs to learn kindness. She needs to learn faithfulness. The fruits of the Holy Spirit need to become manifest in her life.
She is not going to learn these things when the impetus to do so has been removed. The husband that Games his wife is not helping sharpen her as iron sharpens iron - instead he is putting a brace on her back and a crutch in her hand. If the brace and crutch are ever removed, he and she will find that she does not have the strength to walk on her own. What kind of love is that? To keep someone spiritually weak so our own desires are fulfilled?
Adam certainly would have done well to tell Eve she should not eat the fruit, but it was not his responsibility to physically restrain her from doing so. Adam's responsibility was obedience to God - to refrain from joining Eve in her disobedience.
Game is not obedience to God. Game is joining Eve in her disobedience.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
The problem with this is that Game is not built to attract good marriage material for a Christian - it is unlikely to attract a woman in whom the flesh is being put to death for the sake of her savior - instead it attracts self-centered status-seekers in the throes of bondage to their sin nature. The second problem is that a man practicing Game to attract women is not just trying to attract women - he's trying to attract pretty women with "market value" in his eyes and the eyes of his peers. He's not looking for a Plain Jane that still has some acne from time to time and is a little overweight, even if the Plain Jane in question would be a faithful, forgiving, loving wife that would not be looking to trade him in for a better model. Please note, even Vox has admitted that not all women are the hypergamous woman that Game is tailored to. He's also stated that the men he terms 'deltas' could probably have good marriages to women that are not high status. Yet, all of this gets swept aside - the implication is not that it is worth being single and waiting for a woman of substance, even if a man waits a lifetime, but that such a creature is too hard to find, and he may as well get what happiness he can with the hypergamous crowd - besides, why settle for a 4-5 (no matter how good a woman she is) if he can use Game to get a 7-8 instead?
No doubt here is where supporters would tell me I have it all wrong: Game is actually about becoming a better man (in order to attract better women).
A better man by whose standards? The standards of sinful men and women.
I guarantee you that when God said David was a man after His own heart, He was not referring to David's ability to get the ladies to spread their legs. That aspect of David's personality is actually what got him into the most trouble with God, after leading him to adultery and murder, actions that earned him the death of his infant son.
There is nothing wrong with stripping away the bad habits and bad attitudes inculcated through Feminism. No woman should be put on a pedestal - no bit of creation, ever, should be put on a pedestal. The only One worthy of worship is our Creator. And no one should choose their actions based on fear of rejection or loss - we have not been given a spirit of fear - what can man (or woman) do to us? But when a man strips away the bad and the useless, he needs to make sure he's not replacing it with more of the bad and the useless. What is the use of stripping away your flesh only to replace it with your flesh?
Monday, March 07, 2011
Where did this notion come from, that the Bible does not teach men how to interact with women? That a system like Game is needed because the Bible is lacking in this oh-so-important area of life?
I’m here to call horse-shit on that notion.
The Bible is quite clear on how we’re to treat everyone.
Love your neighbor.
Love one another.
Love your enemies.
Nowhere in there is an exception granted on the basis that the other in question is a woman.
We even have it spelled out quite clearly just what love is.
So why are so many Christian men flocking to Game on the basis that the Bible has nothing of worth to say on the matter?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The reason it's not under my real name is because I'm being all sneaky and pseudo-anonymous right now.
Oh, and Wes, is there any chance you're the Wes with a quote about being creepy on your profile?! Facebook suggested a bunch of people to me that I might know, and one was a Wes, and half the others looked and sounded Middle Eastern. Of course, the freakiest bit was that there were a handful that really WERE people I knew!
There are more people whose blogs I read that I would not mind adding to my friends list on Facebook. The only problem is that I have no idea what your names are since many of you post under pseudonyms. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to add me, or accept a friend request just because I send one, so I'll leave it up to y'all to contact me and give me the name to look for if you're okay with being added. ;) If you're okay with me knowing the name, but don't want the internet at large to know, say so in the comments and I'll give you an email address you can send it to.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Edit: I found it, it's ad hominem.
Guess I've been picking a few things up that were left lying on the battleground over at Vox's place.
Monday, January 31, 2011
This is one of those articles that just makes me want to howl with laughter.
Golly. Just when you think your own country's lawmakers are insanity personified, another country has to come along and prove you wrong.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Meche announced last week he will retire, giving up the payday due on the last year of his deal. Meche has always been known for his integrity, according to The New York Times, but this move left the baseball world stunned. Meche said he just didn't like the idea of not earning his keep.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Aha! Eureka! I've achieved enlightenment! Neither my wife nor myself is human, since we don't behave as Game dictates. Obviously we're Martians.
VP commenter: The point, for a Christian man, isn't to pretend to be an alpha. The point is to become an alpha.
No. The point is to become perfect. The categories of Game (insofar as they apply to real life) are Fallen archetypes. They are not to be emulated, but transcended. Actually beaten into submission, and purified with fire until all the dross is burned away.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
When you see this costume, what are the first things that come to mind? (Words, phrases, concepts, associations)
Do you believe the first things that come to mind for you are the first things that come to mind for most people?
If not, what do you believe are the first things that come to mind for most people that see this costume?
Edit: I should have picked a different picture, clearly - one that showed just the dress but no face. I was looking for impressions about the costume, not the girl. =P But... well, thanks anyway. =D
From a young woman's blog post regarding her belief that Christians should pay attention to fashion and dress nicely:
Bottom line: When you're going out somewhere, look in the mirror and ask yourself if what you're wearing reflects Jesus Christ to a sinner. And remember, your outside ALWAYS reflects your inside. What does your outside say about your heart?
There are so many things wrong in this statement that my head may very well explode before I can assemble a coherent rebuttal.
The first two things that came to mind: a warning about wolves wearing sheep's clothing and the fact that the pharisees were strongly chastised for making the outside look nice and shiny while the inside was filthy. Obviously these two statements alone make it clear that a person's outside will not necessarily match their inside.
I'm sorry, I stand corrected. That collar definitely screams rape, torture and murder.
Edit: Mr. Merrick, I'm sorry, it's clear that you must be a horrible monster because a person's outside ALWAYS reflects their inside!