Friday, July 23, 2010

Did you actually say it is sinful to manipulate someone to keep them from sinning?


What exactly are we talking about here? One person, with sin in their own heart that needs to be dealt with, taking the time and effort to insure that another person's behavior is not sinful.

No one can make certain that another person lives a perfect, sin-free life. We cannot even make sure that we live such a life.

So ultimately when it comes to "Christian" Game, one person manipulates another person in order to prevent select sinful behavior - in a way that directly, personally benefits the manipulator.


Feel free to read the New Testament and decide for yourselves whether or not such a course of action would be considered righteous.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


My brain is rather wrung-out. So I think I'll curl up with Tolkien's saga tonight.


The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,

Let others follow it who can!

Let them a journey new begin,

But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,

My evening-rest and sleep to meet.






Tuesday, July 13, 2010

These are some of my thoughts on the blog that Res Ipsa recently linked.

First, let me say that I'm skeptical of how much truth can be found in a blog of sensationalized content that generates income for the author.

I'm also skeptical of any man that boasts of his exploits and claims to be doing so for the sake of other men; especially when the amorphous advice he dispenses appears to distill down to "I'm awesome, if you emulate me, you can be awesome, too!"

Having said that, I'll assume for the time being that he's more or less truthful in regards to what he posts. In that case, all I see is a lot of self-love and egoism.

According to what I read, his wife loves him. She tries, albeit imperfectly, to please him and they have sex more than once a day on average.

However, he was not content. He wanted her to wear lingerie, and for unmentioned reasons, she simply was not comfortable doing so. After unsuccessfully trying a variety of methods to get his wife to wear lingerie on a regular basis, he loses his temper not once, but three times, after which he gets what he wants and she makes lingerie a regular part of their sex life.

I can't speak for all women, but I know how I would react if my husband treated me this way. It would not give me a case of hot pants and an insatiable lust for him. I'd wear the damn lingerie, and every time I did I'd be remembering the hurt and humiliation and it would not make me enjoy sex more, or increase my desire to please him. I would not have greater respect for him and I would not admire his manliness.

Women desiring to be dominated or seduced is endemic right now. This is because a woman that is dominated or seduced feels absolved of her responsibility for her actions. Dodging responsibility is something men and women have been doing since the dawn of time. It wasn't right then, and it isn't right now.

There is a difference between authority and dominance. The former is much harder to master.

Let's be honest. Men need oxygen. They need food. They need water. They really, really, really like sex, but they do not need sex. If they truly needed sex, then any man without a willing partner would be utilizing rape or prostitution in order to get what he needed. Any time we redefine a want as a need, we make it easier to justify the actions taken to obtain what is wanted.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Tarnation!

I wanted to write a tribute to one of my favorite authors that I discovered died earlier this year. Or perhaps explain why my husband and children would not exist if not for violins. Or talk about people that have been homeschooled and how we really are weirdos.

Instead, I will continue to go quietly but frantically insane because apparently a piece of popcorn or walnut became stuck in the gum surrounding an impacted wisdom tooth and now the whole area is inflamed and I can feel it all the time, there, in the side of my mouth, swollen and painful and there, all the time! All the time, like the insidious and inescapable alien whispers of an elder god after a glimpse at the ancient pages of a forbidden tome...

IT'S EATING MY BRAIN.

Bleh. I hope this clears up and I won't have to pay a visit to the dentist. I know they'll want to remove my wisdom teeth and that is not something to look forward to.

Update:

Things seem to be on the mend. The pain is mostly gone. I think I'll still have to get it looked at though.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

I have tried to be mindful of the limits placed on me as a female member of the body of Christ. I have tried to comport myself in a respectful manner. I've posted the bulk of what I have to say here, where visiting is voluntary, and deliberately minimized my involvement at both Vox Popoli and Job's Goat. I understand sometimes a feminine presence is not looked for or needed.

No one sees my heart but God. To suggest that I have motives above and beyond what I have stated is to do me a disservice. To suggest that I cannot accurately ascertain right from wrong when it comes to Game because I am a woman and Game is a masculine endeavor is nonsensical. I was not aware that Eve ate of 'the tree of the knowledge of good and evil but only as pertains to the female sex and temptations they are particularly prone to.' If I'm wrong I'm wrong but it's not because I'm a woman.

There are two things in which I am fully the equal of my Christian brothers. I was born enslaved to sin and I was reborn in grace through the blood of our Messiah.

I do find it worth noting, for anyone that pays heed to such things, that my original post on the topic went up the same day as JQP's post - but I had no knowledge of his post until I visited his blog later that day. It had been many months since I had seen his blog and I was there because of his post about dropping agnosticism and choosing the side of Christ. We would each have been unaware of the other person's contribution to the topic if EarthandAllStars had not linked Job's Goat in a comment thread at Vox Popoli the day before.

I did not engage in this discussion from a secular perspective. Even if I chose to reframe the debate in such terms, I doubt very much that I could blind you with science. My intellect and knowledge base are dwarfed by y'all. For every point made, a passage of the Bible has come to mind, but I've only got leave to parry, not riposte.

Thank you all for the civility you've displayed - I've rarely seen disagreements voiced so agreeably on the internet. Hopefully any burr I've left under your saddles won't earn me a kick the next time we visit the same watering hole.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010


Sometimes it's just nice to have something restful to look at.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

There's no common thread that ties every single blog on my blogroll together. There are predominant features. Almost all are Christian. A significant portion are men. Generally when I chose to visit someone's blog on a regular basis it was not because of the content, or how well the content was expressed; it was because I liked the person behind the blog. And I have to confess that I have a favorite. I doubt very much that he has any idea this is the case - I contribute little of value to his blog. But in a world where most men are bantam roosters either strutting or cowering in the hen yard, unaware of the forest towering outside and of the grizzlies that live in the forest - this man is a giant among those grizzlies.

The picture on his blog is not a picture of him - but it represents him very well. It is a crusader fully armored, with shield and sword in hand. This man is a warrior. A warrior that stands with his feet firmly planted and wields his sword with precision. When I think of the phrase 'speaking the truth in love' his is the first name that comes to mind. I've seen him consistently display a level of honesty and devotion to truth that is rarely found these days, in or out of the Christian community. I've also never seen him speak maliciously. Wise as the serpent, gentle as the dove. Nothing effeminate or soft or girly about him though. Nothing arrogant, either. He is courageous in both his defense of the Christian faith and in his attacks on the darkness in our society.

Wes, I am so glad that you allowed God to craft you into a vessel through which his spirit could shine so brightly.

Faith
Sincere Belief
Following Your Heart
Fundamental Truth

Just a sample of what animates Animate Matters. (This list will expand as I continue browsing his archives, I'm sure.)

(P.S. if you're a son of God through the blood of Jesus you're a grizzly in the forest. Just to make myself clear and not seem like I'm trying to insult anyone.)
I thought I was done on the subject of Game but I noticed a comment of Desert Cat's that I had overlooked.

You're right, Desert Cat. A man absolutely should be concerned that his wife behave in a Biblical fashion. He should address bad behavior and take steps to correct it if need be. Our disagreement is two-fold - first, priorities and secondly, processes. This is why I had suggested that men compare what they find from studying the Scriptures to the practice of Game as applied to relationships.

There's just no way to convince me that a man can learn how to walk in righteousness from ungodly men.


Monday, July 05, 2010

I read a post over at Pebblechaser recently that was sparked by unwanted attention from a woman but that contained a truly moving tribute to men - first and foremost to Heidi's husband but also to men and masculinity in general. I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to that post since then but today I noticed Doom had left the following comment:

I had no idea any woman thought what you thought. I am glad to be out of the city. Maybe there are more women who haven’t been infected by feminism out here. I’m almost embarrassed (that you know us so well and still like us? maybe). I am also pleased to hear you have such a man… and vice versa! Jealous too, but happily and kindly.

This is terrible. I've seen plenty of things that made me ashamed to be a woman but I think this is one of the worst - that we've brought things to the point that a man is honestly surprised to discover that there is even one woman that likes and admires men specifically for their masculinity. There is no way that I could hold a candle to Heidi's eloquence in her tribute to men, so if you have not already done so I suggest you go here.

(Doh! Put in the wrong link. It's been fixed.)
They do exist.

But I doubt Game would work on these two.

Or their father and five brothers.
While discussing all of this with my husband, he shared with me the following exhortation penned by Paul, which I in turn share with all of you.

See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.


My spirit was stirred to defend truth and warn against something ungodly - not to lecture, debate, or lead. God sees my heart. He is the arbiter of all that I say and do. I hope I have acted in obedience to His desire.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Retha,

I just started skimming the comments on Vox's post and noticed you'd asked me a question. I'll answer that here.

Arielle: For men that want to know about Game.

Read Roissy's 16 commandments of poon.

Then read your Bible. Pay particular attention to any passage talking about what one should, or should not, look for in a wife. Pay even closer attention to the writings of Paul.

Stop asking Vox what he thinks of Game and start asking God what he thinks.

Retha:
Arielle, can you define "read the Bible"a little more specifically? Even "read Paul"is rather much. Perhaps you could refine it to a list of passages sooner or later?


I have no intention of being more specific or of providing a list of Scriptures beyond what I've already quoted or mentioned here on this blog.

That is my biggest problem with this whole mess. Men and women that are looking to Vox or to Roissy and Game for the answers to their problems. It would do them a world of good to simply pick up their Bibles and spend a lot of time in prayer and study looking up the answers for themselves and listening for what God has to tell them on the subject. In my opinion the reason a lot of people have not done this is because they already know what the answers are likely to be and they don't want to hear them. We like easy fixes, not the ones that require a lot of time and patience and obedience to God.

Edit: the Bereans were commended for taking the time to study the Scriptures and see if what Paul was telling them was true. That's all I'm asking of anyone - apply the Scriptures and see if what is said is true.
Res Ipsa dropped by and left a comment that got me thinking.

He mentions the importance of sex to a healthy marriage. This is certainly true! As far as I can tell, the physical union is extremely important to establishing the spiritual union for men. Women don't really seem to need the sexual act to establish a bond with a man but sex plays a huge part in how a man establishes and maintains a bond with a woman. This is something I've been learning from my husband - he does not just desire my participation in a physical act he desires me. I've never deliberately withheld sex out of spite or a desire to punish my husband. I just didn't realize that when I said 'I don't feel like having sex right now' what my husband was hearing was 'I don't want to be with you.' (The spiritual implications of this lesson as it applies to our relationship with the Messiah are staggering.)

So sex is definitely important to maintaining a good relationship. Sex is not, however, the answer. It cannot transform a woman's heart to make her willingly subject to her husband's authority and it cannot transform a man into a godly, masculine leader of his home that his wife will be pleased to follow. It can and does fortify the foundation of the structure of marriage but it is not, itself, the foundation.

What is the foundation of a godly marriage? We all know the answer to that but we don't always want to acknowledge it.

The decline of marriage in the Christian community was not because couples stopped having frequent sex. (In fact, I'd say there's a good chance it was the other way around.) The rot in the institution of marriage is simply a reflection of the rot in our own hearts. It seems to me that encouraging sex would go a long way toward increasing the health of a relationship where the woman already deeply desires to
learn to be a good wife and to strengthen her marriage. If the desire to be a good wife does not exist then increasing the frequency of sex would amount to putting a band-aid over a severed artery.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

What. The. Heck.

This might actually go beyond causing your brother to stumble and fall into the realm of false teaching.


Sometimes those dead horses just seem to need a good kick.

I've not yet seen any Christian men say that they want to use Game to get casual sex. Were they to state such an intention and follow through on it, I believe they would have shown through their fruit that the appellation was undeserved.

What I have seen are men that want to use Game to:

Obtain a wife (they have never had one)
Obtain a wife (they had a bad one)
Keep a wife (the one they have does not behave as she ought toward them)

Let's address this.

Vox & Spacebunny. Heidi and her Mister. Birdie & Eaglewood. Beth & Chris. Res Ipsa. Wes. Farmer Tom. More that could be named.

What do these people have in common? All of them seem to have solid marriages. None of these people are perfect. None claim that their spouse is perfect. None claim that their marriage is perfect. But they are content in their marriage in a way that people without such contentment, envy.

What these people do NOT have in common, if we are to believe the anecdotal evidence and their own testimony, is a marriage in which the man obtained, or kept, the wife with Game (or white knight gamma behavior). Game does not appear to have saved or started any of these marriages. The common thread in each of these marriages seems glaringly obvious to me - Christ. A desire for godliness in their marriage on the part of both husband and wife.

This leads me to the conclusion that there is obviously a way to obtain a good wife without needing to resort to the tactics of Game.

Is it luck? The special favor of God?

If either of these answers is the correct one, then a man using Game is at best engaging in a pointless endeavor, at worst, actively interfering with God's plan to bring him a wife.

Is the answer wisdom in choosing a mate?

If so, all that Game should tell a man is that a woman Game works on is not a mate worth having because she lacks maturity and the moral discernment a man should seek in a wife. If Game does not work on her because she DOES have maturity and moral discernment, then she will in all likelihood reject the man that tried to use Game on her, even if he ceases using it and tries to woo her by other methods.

.........

I don't understand.

Not only does Game fall far short of Biblical standards, the empirical data suggests that it has nothing to do with a good marriage. 'Good' sex and co-dependency perhaps, but not a good, godly marriage in which contentment can be found and a relationship that strengthens, rather than hinders, the more important relationship with God.

I even have empirical data kindly provided by JQP (he could even have been said to have applied the scientific method to obtain this data) that Game works to get women but does not lead to lasting marriage.

Yet men continue to defend learning how to raise their standing with women via Game in order to obtain a good wife, or improve the one they already have.

Friday, July 02, 2010

Thank you

I don't think I've mentioned lately how grateful I am for you folks. For the people that have been regularly stopping by, for the people whose blogs I read regularly and for the short-term visits along the way as well. I have had few occasions in the last decade to fellowship with believers in person but God mercifully blessed me with a way to interact with believers from all over the globe and to learn from and be encouraged by them. You folks have been the iron that sharpens me and the balm that comforts me. So thanks.
"There is a reason women are not instructed to lead men..."

I'm not trying to lead men. My opinion regarding Game isn't something I arrived at on my own - the Scripture I posted was written by a man. The reason I am saying something is because I do not see the godly men out there speaking out against walking on a path that leads to destruction. Instead I see them saying that if a man is careful what part of the road he walks on, he can avoid that destruction. I just want to see my brothers choose to follow the footsteps of Jesus instead of Roissy.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Roissy's 16 Commandments of Poon

I could dissect each of these commandments to see how it compares to Biblical principles but instead I will highlight the closing paragraph:

The closer you follow the letter of these commandments, the easier you will find and keep real, true unconditional love and happiness in your life.

Best,

Roissy, Your Lord and King


Really? This is the man whose wisdom Vox is touting?

Ask yourself this, ladies and gentlemen. Is it possible for a woman to give a man unconditional love apart from God's love already existing in her heart?

A woman that loves a man that won her over with Roissy's tactics does not love him unconditionally - she loves him on the condition that he maintain those tactics and that no one ever comes along that desires her and that can employ those tactics with greater skill. She may be devoted and dependent but that is not the same thing as unconditional love.

Does Game promote Love?

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.

But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.

For this reason it says,
"Awake, sleeper,
And arise from the dead,
And Christ will shine on you."

Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil.

So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.